That last post was around the time I found out I was pregnant. I haven't been pregnant for a while and I figured it was time to get back to it. For Stations sake at least. The only problem is that I can't remember how to upload pictures.
The problem with having something sad happen to you is to know how much information to share. The medical information that we got was amazing and something I could go on and on for days about, just ask Station. However, there are things that I can barely express to Station without making it seem cliche or minimal. Losing my baby was none of that to me, but I guess you have to experience it to know that. And that isn't something I hope for anyone. There are some days when I don't mind people asking questions, but it depends on the person. I can tell when someone is just wanting something juicy to chew on and when they are genuinely sad with me.
I had a lot of awkward moments at the beginning with people asking me how my baby is doing. I have learned that less information is better. Nobody wants to know all the details, they were just expecting a good report anyway. I have also gotten to the point where I shrug it off when someone asks and that doesn't feel good either, I just feel guilty. But people also don't want to have to console a weeping woman.
The whole thing is confusing and lonely, but I am grateful for Station. I feel like a floating balloon that is getting whooshed around and he is grounding me. He keeps telling me it is okay to be sad. And I am sad, but I am getting better. It just sucks to have to go back to real life without anything to look forward to. And that is when he reminds me that we have a ton to look forward to. We are moving to San Francisco for the Summer. We are moving out of Provo (whoop whoop).
Provo is my wilderness. Anytime I move to this place, I have my most stretching experiences. I can't wait to stop stretching in Provo.
I also want to say thanks to everyone. I know nobody reads blogs anymore, but I am grateful for the gift cards and flowers (oh the flowers! I was in heaven). And I was grateful for just being able to forget and have fun. We have really great friends. And we have each other and I guess that is a whole lot to look forward to.
